This blog was actually created over two years ago and has sat gathering cobwebs with the “private” setting on. (Some good that’s doing.) I would write, and then I would get too nervous to do anything with what I wrote.
“What if what I write doesn’t resonate with anyone?”
“What if others don’t like when I talk about the topics I plan to discuss on my blog?”
“What if some of the topics are too uncomfortable?”
“What if when I write about the difficult topics people view me as ungrateful?”
“What if my words and my voice take up too much space?”
As humans we’re really great at psyching ourselves out. I didn’t used to be like this. At 20 years old I auditioned at an America's Next Top Model callback in NYC. At 22 I flew to Tennessee to compete in a scholarship pageant. At 24 I flew to Africa by myself with a group of strangers to volunteer for a month (the picture next to the title of this post is me cliff jumping on that trip, never again!), and most of my 20s has been spent on stage for pageants in front of audiences with 100 plus people. Despite partaking in all of these events that pushed me out of my comfort zone, I continued to put off my goal of starting a blog.
But as of lately, all of the signs have pointed me in the direction of making it public, so here we are.
In November of 2020 I was asked to speak on a virtual adult adoptee panel for an organization that helps grow families through adoption. The purpose of the panel was to educate those who attended from the perspective of those who have lived the adoption experience. After speaking, I felt closer to opening my blog to the public but found yet another reason to put it off.
It was also around the time of speaking on the panel that I began attending a class specifically for adoptees run by two brilliant women who are also adoptees. The class is called Flourish, and it is literally everything that I needed regarding adoption and self help my whole life. Today (Sunday, February 21st) we were asked to write about the following prompt. “What risks are you not taking?” Immediately I thought of my blog. All of the fears, all of the what if’s… After talking about the purpose of that prompt, our second prompt was “What risks are you going to start taking?” I am not going to share everything that I wrote, but the last sentence I wrote said “If I never take these risks, I fear I’m going to die one day without sharing my gift of my words with the adoptee community and adoption triad.”
With the support and encouragement of Anne Heffron, Pam Cordano, and my Flourish family, I am choosing to replace my nervous “What ifs” with taking a risk to open new doors. The reasons below are my “Why” to this blog.
1. The lack of resources. I am going to make a separate post at some point about my experience looking for self help books for adoptees at Books A Million. (Wowzers, wasn’t that an eye-opening day!)
2. Because there are professionals who aren’t adopted that council adoptees and quite frankly don’t have much of an idea as to what they’re talking about.
3. Because like so many others, I am a voice of your adopted child. (Buckle up and get ready to see what you may or may not be in for if you decide to adopt.)
4. Because I have more insight as to what this unique journey consists of. A few years back I had an opportunity to be an ambassador for the “Adoption is Beautiful Campaign.” I gave that opportunity what I could at the time, but I still had so much work to do regarding my own story. So I shrank back. I was coming out of the fog (I will also make a separate post on this), and I was trying to make sense of so many different things. This blog will serve as a platform to address the beauty in adoption, but it will also address the peaks, valleys, and everything in between.
5. It’s only taken 28 years to begin formulating actual language for feelings I couldn’t put words to my entire life. With that being said, it is my hope that through sharing parts of my own journey, other adoptees and those in the foster care community can realize they are far from alone when it comes to processing their feelings. It is my hope to give guidance to those in need, and to teach those who want to learn more. It is important to me to raise awareness on how we can better help provide all members of the adoption triad the resources we all need and deserve.
6. To begin healing generational trauma.
7. To address the topics society doesn’t want to talk about surrounding adoption. Yes, the hard topics. The messy topics. Trust me, most of my life I was under the impression it was all rainbows and unicorns shitting glitter, too. Public service announcement: I would be lying if I told you that were true.
8. Because it’s important to show up and to let others know they’re not alone.
9. Because it's equally important to do the work we can for future generations of the adoption triad.
